HEALTH FOOD CHRISTMAS SONG

I went to the Health Food Store today
I bought everything they had
That I thought would
Make me young again
You know that’s the latest fad

They’ve got stuff
They almost guarantee to
Take years off your life
So I bought a bottle of pills
For me and I bought one for my wife

Well I went home and took those vitamins
And that night I had a dream
That the formula worked on my wife
But it didn’t work on me

Well in my dream I was still an old man
Married to this pretty young thing
And that’s an awful scenario
If you know what I mean
 
And in my dream we went out to shop
And people thought I was her dad
That made her feel very good
But it left me feeling bad  

And I dreamed I saw a sign
In the window of a store
“Wanted part-time Santa Claus
To greet people at the door”

Well I applied for the job
And I was instantly hired
I got suited up  
The formula kicked in
And I was instantly fired

Well the dream had a happy ending
For me and for my young wife
We had a Merry Christmas
With twenty years taken off of our life

And we became young lovers again
Singing “Merry Christmas
And to all a good night”                                   
Merry Christmas and to all a good night

Copyright 2001 Ervin Fegaro
All Rights Reserved

(Ring)  (Ring)  Hello,
 Hello Joe  
No Joe I, I can’t go
I’m feeling low
She got on to me this morning about some clutter in the floor
Bye Joe

Well tonight I’m gonna pout
And maybe she’ll take me out
After the way she talked to me this morning
She made me feel like a jerk before
She went to work
And she jumped on me without any warning

Well it’s the same old story
About the clutter in this house
And she knows I don’t like any hassle
By now she ought to know
I’m a man and not a mouse
And I think a man’s home is his castle

Well we both like things neat and clean
But there’s just some time in between
Things just seem to get in disarray
But tonight I’m gonna pout
And maybe she’ll take me out
I’m gonna make her pay

Yes tonight I’m gonna pout
And maybe she’ll take me out
After the way she talked to me this morning
She made me feel like a jerk
Before she went to work
And she jumped on me without any warning

(Knock-knock- knock) “Oh hello dear
Did you have a good day
Did you notice I cleaned up the clutter on the floor
Hey, you wanna go out and eat tonight
Hey, let me get that door”

Copyright 2001 Ervin Fegaro
All Rights Reserved

HOLE IN THE WATER

I bought a hole in the water
One of the happiest days of my life
I bought a hole in the water
And I almost lost my wife

I bought a hole in the water
I put a lot of money in it
Buying that hole in water
Was just the beginning

I had to pay the marina
Each month that I parked it
Week-ends I would visit
My hole in the water

I would clean it up and take it out
It made me feel like a king
And when my motor was running good
I could almost hear it sing

Now it takes a lot of fuel
To move a boat through the water
And my friends didn’t help me
The way I thought they oughta

And that hole in the water
Made a hole in my wallet
And every time that I took it out
I got deeper in dept

So I decided to sell my hole in the water
And the day that I sold it
Was one of the happiest days of my life
So if you want to get you a hole in the water

Just ask someone who’s got one
And get their advice
And chances are they’ll tell you
I’ve got a real nice boat I’d like to sell you                         

                     
  Copyright 2001 Ervin Fegaro
   All Rights Reserved